IRELAND, The only place where........

• When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over

• If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight

• 'F*** off' means 'Are you serious?'

• The person that you insult most is probably your best friend

• Saying 'I will, yea' means that you definitely won't

• "F*** it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bothered to finish it properly

• 'Hes fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism

• Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days

• Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals'

• 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything

• The best cure for a hangover is more drink

• Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus'

• 'Meeting' has a double meaning

• Tea is the solution to every problem, and water is the solution to every GAA injury • "I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late

• We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park

• You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner

• GAA is considered religion

• Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult

• Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation

• Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time

• You're scared of the wooden spoon

• The word 'like' goes in every sentence

• You can say "Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested

• 'The dogs' bollocks' means something brilliant

                             Be PROUD to be Irish!

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Comment by Mike "Ormepipes" Orme on September 30, 2011 at 21:15

And then Lars, I found this bit of a thing here outlining the worst excess of those who, usually without the blessing of actually being Irish, try to inflict on the rest of us.......

 

The last 2 lines sum it up perfectly

 

The Irish Pub

 

Theres a county map to go on the wall,
A hurling stick & a shinty ball,
The bric, the brac, the craic & all,
Lets call it an Irish pub,
Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap,
The Guinness pie & that cabbage crap,
The ideal wannabee Paddy trap,
We'll call it an Irish pub,

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book,
The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear,
Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up & burst yer filthy mug,
If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!

We'll raise the price o' beer a dollar,
We'll make em wear a shirt & collar,
We'll fly a bloody tri-colour,
And call it an Irish pub,
Jager bombs & double shots,
The underagers think its tops,
We'll spike the drinks & pay the cops,
We got us an Irish pub.

The quick one in the filthy bog,
The partin' glass across the lug,
O' the lady-O, the dirty dog,
We got us an Irish pub,
It's over to me and over to you,
We'll skip along the Avenue,
And who t'hell is Ronnie Drew?
We got us an Irish pub.

Plasma screens & neon lights,
Kara-f'in-oke nights,
The bouncers they can pick the fights,
We'll call it an Irish pub,
Plastic cups, a polished floor,
We'll hose the blood right out the door,
And let the knucklers back for more,
We got us an Irish pub,

Oh top o' the mornin', Garryowen,
Kiss me I'm Irish, Molly Malone,
Failte, Slainte, Pog ma thon,
We got us an Irish pub,
Spike the punch & strip the willow,
Strike me up the rakes o' Mallow,
The Liffey never ran so shallow,
We got us an Irish pub.

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